A Letter to Husbands
Yes, my dad left when I was only a year old. But his father gave him away during WWII when he was just a boy, to a family who lived down the street. As my father grew, he never had a faithful man around to teach him how to love. And he never loved my mom.
And this happens today. Troubled boys who become troubled men, having missed the influence of a faithful father. And this shrapnel pierces the hearts of sons from generation to generation. I am one of those sons, as are many of you. But by the grace of God, as sons we can survive the freeze of this Bastogne.
So how do we survive, as sons with shrapnel, and turn the tide around to become faithful men? There are at least three things from the Scripture that will help us to turn our tide towards faithfulness, and to cultivate in our families a legacy of integrity.
"I just get so frustrated because every day is so hard -- my work, my finances, and now my marriage! I'm not going to, but sometimes I just wish I could give up."
Seek to Please Jesus Christ -- In Everything!
2 Corinthians 5:9 "Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him."
The quickest way for a believer to get discouraged is for him to get off track by indulging his flesh rather than following the Spirit. If our real motive, our most passionate desire, is to please Jesus, then this desire will trump every other desire or temptation that we have. Then regardless of our success or failure, we will be happy because we were faithful to do the right thing. God never designed for our fulfillment to come from perfect jobs or perfect wives. Our fulfillment comes directly from Him, through our obedience.
“But honestly, I don't really have the same feelings for my wife anymore. I’m not perfect, but she withdraws from me and doesn't seem to appreciate what I do for her. And, to top it off, now we have zero intimacy.”
Love Her for Her Sake -- Regardless of What You Get In Return!
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Jesus loved the church by dying for it, when the church didn't deserve it at all (Rom. 5:8). But this is true love -- the love of sacrifice! So don't worry about your wife, just do what God calls you to do. Love her for her sake, regardless of what you get in return. Then God will personally bless you with a fervent, passionate love for her -- yes, your feelings will change. And you will start to find your pleasure in her pleasure, and she will notice this. And she will trust you more -- that you love giving more than receiving. Then you're home free!
"Okay. Where do I start?"
Be Obedient -- Obey the Scripture and Obey Your Conscience!
Proverbs 20:6 "Many a man proclaims his own loyalty, but who can find a trustworthy man?"
First, make sure that you really are a believer. Have you committed your life to Christ, to be used by Him for His glory, regardless of yourself? Or are you just at the party for the snacks? Second, take care of business -- confess your sins to God and to your wife. Admit when you're wrong. Do this every day. Third, pick up your bible and read it. Read your bible regularly, prayerfully do what it says, according to schedule, regardless of how you feel. Lastly, get involved in a good bible-teaching church with people who will love you and support you.
Troubled boys don't need to stay troubled men. By the grace of God, we can turn this tide around, and cultivate a new legacy of integrity for our families. So let's do it.
From the heart, intended with humility, by a son with shrapnel.